Elle went to bed early tonight…..
Whilst watching a serious documentary on the History Channel about Hitler or something, I ‘accidentally’ sat on the Sky remote which happened to flick directly onto channel 902.
What are the odds?
Anyway, as i’m here, I might as well quickly review the channels for you:
902 – Playboy TV Chat
There is a close up shot of an arse at the moment. The arse belongs to a lady called Lucy Zara. She has turned the microphone on to try and entice some men to call her and masturbate.
Her speaking voice is extremely nasal…..like the man in the old ‘Tunes’ advert……’A first class return to Dottingham plead’.
906 – Babestation
A solidly built young lady with very thin hair dry humps a bed.
Her hair is so thin, it’s almost anorexic.
She has a tattoo of some writing on her ribs….it looks like a shopping list…..from here, I can see that she requires milk, bread, washing up liquid, bin liners and pot noodles.
908 – Babestation Blue
There is some very shaky camera work here.
It’s like watching a naked version of Crossroads.
I suffer with motion sickness…..time to change the channel.
909 – Lucky Star
Lady has odd, misshapen implants that look like two galia melons forced underneath a sausage skin.
Disgusting.
910 – Red Light 1
This lady is talking too. Her name is Preeti. Apparently, she is feeling both ‘naughty’ and ‘horny’ this evening. In order to entice the ‘gentlemen’ to call her she has decided to place the phone receiver between her plastic bosoms……little does she realise that she’ll be unable to hear the phone calls via her cleavage….stupid cow!
912 – Studio 66 Nights
Curiously, this lady has painted four of her fingernails purple…..but left one painted in gold! She is specifically using this golden finger to point at her vagina…..odd.
927 – Studio 66 TV 4
I’m not sure if it’s the camera angle, but this young lady has HUGE ears. It’s like watching the FA cup grind on a pillow whilst slapping her tits.
931 – Xxxpanded TV
This is the BOGOF channel, where you get two ladies of different styles. Sometimes there is a black lady with a white lady, but tonight, it’s a plump lady with large breasts Vs a skinny lady who looks rather like a cold ironing board.
The large breasted lady has laddered her hold-up’s in not one, but TWO places. I wonder if she can off-set her damaged stockings on her tax return?
932 – Red Light 3
This lady has just headbutted the vase of pampas grass whilst spread eagled on a table. It looks like the two cushions she has underneath her knees have slipped on the wooden tabletop sending her face first into the plants.
I hope she’s OK.
933 – Red Light 4
This young lady is wobbling her buttocks in a furious fashion.
In the corner of the screen a box is telling me I can send a picture of myself to ‘Priya’ by texting the word ‘KNOB’ to 89121. This only costs £1.50 to send. I wonder if I it costs less to send a picture of a smaller penis? I may call customer services to find out.
935 – Northern Birds
A lady in a pigeon loft beats dust out of a carpet hung over a washing line whilst cooking a black pudding….. with her tits covered in gravy.
936 – Essex Babes
This lady has ‘horse nostrils’. She needs some new straw and a lump of sugar.
938 – Studio 66 2 Nights
There was really nothing to say about this girl…..until she rolled over. Her right arse cheek has a large spot that looks infected. I think it may be an ingrowing hair. She may need to bathe it with some warm water/TCP solution and get her mom to release the hair with some tweezers.
939 – Storm Night
Jasonxxx has sent in a text to Ellie.
He says, “I like the view Ellie. How about some POV? That would b gud”
POV must be a fetish of some kind. I think it means ‘pouring of vinegar’. He wants her to pour Sarson’s all over her body….the dirty bastard.
It could mean ‘pork or veal’. Jasonxxx wants her to cook some pork chops on a camping stove with her norks out so he can watch her get splashed with greasy pork fat…..the filthy git!
940 – SportxxxGirls
A distinct lack of sport of ANY kind.
A mature lady with three visible stomachs opens and closes her legs in front of some horrific wallpaper.
This is the type of wallpaper you buy from Wilkinson’s……in the sale.
941 – Studio 66 TV 3
Natural breasts for a change! These are ‘banana’ breasts…..not yellow and brown…..just shaped like bananas.
942 – Live XXX Babes
Black lady has nipples as large as LP’s.
They are huge……I think the left one is the ‘Best of the Bee Gees’ and the right one is ‘Diamond Life’ by Sade.
I’m going to bed now…..
I just need to remember to change the channel back to BBC 1 and go up a few channels to ITV in order to ‘cover my tracks’.
pilchardrabies 