Earlier today, I went for a brisk walk with Bridie and Maisy…..I say, ‘brisk’, when what I REALLY mean is ‘plodding‘.
It was a ‘plodding‘ walk.
I ‘plodded‘.
Plod.
I like the word plod………PLOD!
We were ‘plodding‘, mainly because, our Bridie has been an absolute nightmare over the last 48 hours…..she’s teething….it’s painful….I GET IT!!
Her bloody teeth are taking an absolute age to come in……and, by the look of the constant pained expression on her little face, she appears to be pushing through a full set of titanium choppers like Jaws from James Bond.
She’s really not herself…..I don’t know who the hell she is….but, she’s not the happy baby I remember from last week.
She appears to have been swapped for little whining shitbag.
So, the upshot of this is that we’ve had about 2 hours sleep between us.
We’re both knackered.
So, that’s why I was ‘plodding‘……
We walked down towards the Kings Norton Nature Reserve at a snails pace…..in a tired hazy dream-like state.
When we got into the Nature Reserve we walked over the little bridge and, this is where Maisy stopped to release a selection of particularly firm stools.
I stooped down to collect the links of stinky turds in a bag, and, swiftly tied it up in preparation to chuck in the bin.
We walked around the corner, and I tossed the shit filled sack into the waste bin.
As the bag hit the bin, a familiar image flashed before my eyes….
Was that what I thought it was?
I moved closer…..
It was….
It was a photograph of a young lady stretching her vagina open:
I studied the pages intently (but, only for the purposes of this blog entry), and wondered how this ‘jizz mag‘ had ended up in a waste bin on a nature reserve?
I’ve owned lots of porn mags (Really, Rich? You do surprise me!)….but, I’ve never ONCE thought, “It’s such a lovely day, I might take this ‘stroke mag‘ down to the nature reserve for a quick ‘al fresco’ wank“.
I’d be interested to understand the sequence of events that led to this ‘spunk book‘ being disposed of in such an unusual, and random place.
Or, maybe, the porn goblins left it for a curious schoolboy to find on Monday morning?
The lucky little bastard!
If I’d have been a 13 year old boy, and happened to have walked past that waste bin earlier today…..I’d have jumped for joy at securing such a glorious bounty.
I remember when I was 13…..I found a rain soaked copy of ‘Razzle‘ in Dormy Drive on the way to school.
I snuck it back to the house, and dried it out…..
I then managed to retrieve a selection of ‘crispy‘ images…..including a page of ‘Readers Wives‘, where a bored looking lady called ‘Mary‘, from ‘Swansea‘ (I can still remember it to this day) posed in a badly decorated bedroom whilst offering up a large floppy breast to her nicotine stained lips.
It was the most erotic image I’d ever seen……until I borrowed a copy of Escort ‘Girls of Summer‘ from my friend Jonathan.
I think I still have it somewhere…..
I might nip down to the nature reserve later to leave it in the bushes for the next generation of curious boys.
You can thank me later.
You’re very welcome.
X
pilchardrabies 