Sometimes, having a dog can be a pain in the arse.
However, our dog (Maisy) is another level of arse pain…like piles…only worse…and dog shaped.
She eats her own shit, urinates when people stroke her, tears up bin bags, sniffs crotches of total strangers and generally stinks like a baked turd covered in burnt hair.
Having said that, she’s a gentle, loving soul and taking her for a walk is a much needed 45 minutes of ‘head space’ away from work and the kids.
Whilst walking her this afternoon, the shuffle function provided me with an almost perfect playlist making an arduous task much more enjoyable.
Technology has come a very long way since my first personal cassette recorder back in 1985, so here’s a breakdown of 27 years of my life as seen through the ownership of personal audio equipment……
Age: 10 years old
Personal Listening Device: Saisho Personal Cassette Player (Yeah, thanks Mom and Dad….A Dixons special!).
Style: Clear plastic front panel, cream back, brown (yes, brown) buttons including fast forward, play and stop. (In order to listen again to “Ain’t no stoppin’ us” by Ollie & Jerry (Breakdance The Movie Soundtrack) you had to take the cassette out, flip it over, hit fast forward and wait the required length of time for the tape to rewind). Also came with giant earphones with orange sponge covers and a BELT CLIP!
Favourite Music: Breakdance music (Afrika Bambaataa, Curtis Blow, Melle Mel) and Pop (Michael Jackson and Prince).
Fashion: All clothes purchased via Grattan catalogue by mom. Bouffant hair.
*I should add that between the ages of 10 and 15 I owned a ‘Radio Hat’. This was a Trucker Style Baseball cap with a small radio tucked inside a pocket on the right hand side (with an aerial that you had to pull up to get a signal) and earphones that were incorporated into the peak. It was all black material and was purchased from Virgin Megastore. It also said ‘Virgin’ on the front which is exactly what I stayed for a long time as I looked like a massive bell-end.
Age: 15 years old
Personal Listening Device: Sharp Personal Radio/Cassette Player
Style: FUCKING HUGE. Easily as big as a house brick and had to be carried around using a strap like a satchel. Red and Black colour (Late 80’s/Early 90’s style – same as the wallpaper in my teenage bedroom). Incorporated an FM Radio (when tuned in to Radio 1 FM a bright red LED shone like the middle of a nuclear reactor). Upgrade from Saisho unit as this one had a rewind as well as fast forward meaning less fucking about with tapes. Earphones were smaller and flatter and most importantly…..NOT ORANGE!
Favourite Music: I had two lives when I was 15 (School Life – Into Public Enemy, De La Soul, Tribe Called Quest, Jungle Brothers, Stone Roses, Happy Monday’s, Inspiral Carpets) and (Am Dram ‘Glee’ Life – Musicals, Harry Connick Jr, Count Basie, Duke Ellington and Nat King Cole).
Fashion: DREADFUL! I didn’t know what the fuck I was into so i’ll offer up two of my outfits. (School Life – Troop Trainers (Mock patent leather toe section, snake skin side panel, giant laces, stupid air bubble), giant 25″ bottom jeans from Kensington Freak, Lilac hoodie with AZTEC print, PVC Africa medallion, beanie hat). Fashion wise, I was caught between being into hip hop, baggy pop, jazz and incredibly camp theatrical scores…..bad news). (Theatre Life – Huge high waisted trousers, bolero shirt, pointy shoes, stinking of Kouros….a complete anti-pussy zone).
Age: 20 years old
Personal Listening Device: Sony Clamshell Personal CD Player
Style: My 1st portable CD player. Had 30 seconds of anti-shock which was supposed to help with skipping CD’s (load of shit). Came with a cassette style adaptor so CD’s could be listened to in the car through existing audio system! Genius!
Favourite Music: Acid Jazz (Anything on Talkin’ Loud label – Omar, Young Disciples, Galliano, D’Influence) and Trip Hop (Massive Attack and Portishead) and any Hip Hop as advised by my surrogate big brothers: Eliot, Gaz, Steve and Lewis (Wu Tang, Redman, Jeru, Mobb Deep, Cypress Hill etc….)
Fashion: At this point, I was definitely certain I was part black. I dressed like a fat Ali G…..
Age: 25 years old
Personal Listening Device: Sony Mini-Disc Player
Style: Somewhere between the personal CD player and the MP3. Having the ability to make your own personal discs meant that compilations could be crafted like a true nerdy music ponce. Tiny, silver, very cool…..
Favourite Music: Unfortunately, Mini-Disc technology didn’t take off as the recorded media available was pretty much limited to artists on the Sony Label. Therefore, you were stuck listening to the same albums over and over. (I had: Blur – 13, Super Furry Animals – Radiator, Jamiroquai – Synkronised…..amongst others).
Fashion: Turned into a massive ‘labels’ ponce. My clothes were dreadful….as was my life at the time!
Age: 30 years old
Personal Listening Device: Apple i-Pod Shuffle
Style: Stored up to 125 tracks, size of a packet of chewing gum, worn round the neck on a lanyard, SHUFFLED ALL TRACKS IN A RANDOM SEQUENCE! Fucking AWESOME…….
Favourite Music: Bjork, Doves, Beck, Air and everything gone beforehand.
Fashion: First child born…my trousers hit the comfort zone….t-shirts moving from XL to XXL.
Age: 35 years old to date
Personal Listening Device: Apple i-Pod Classic (160GB)
Style: The Rolls Royce of portable audio. Classic design, easy to use, ability to listen to all the music i’ve loved for the last 30+ years, watch movies and delve into the world of podcasts (I recommend ‘The Smartest Man In The World’).
Favourite Music: 30 years of collected memories.
Fashion: Fat fuck clothes, anything that fits, jeans from Tesco, permanent frown.
Times have changed.
Technology has changed.
Music has changed.
Fashion has changed.
My waistline has changed.
My brain is still 15 years old……
pilchardrabies 