How I Stack Up In Comparison To TV Dad’s (Not Transvestite Dad’s)

Today is Father’s Day…..

If I was being negative (Really, Rich? You? Negative?), i’d say that Father’s Day is a manufactured celebration formulated by greetings card companies in order for them to make more money…..just like Valentines Day!

But, if I was being positive, I’d say that Father’s Day is a good time to reflect on what makes your own Dad great……and, then thank him for being a wonderful, positive influence in your life (by buying him some socks and a shitty card)….unless, of course, if he’s a complete and utter douchebag…..and, if that is the case….then, FUCK HIM…..he doesn’t deserve you!

As we all know, there’s no ‘guide‘ to being a successful parent….children don’t come with a user manual….so, being a ‘good dad‘ is a completely unquantifiable concept.

So, what makes a ‘good dad‘?

Well….if you looked to the media for an answer, you’d quickly see that most ‘TV dad’s‘ are routinely portrayed as bumbling, feckless idiots…..for example:

Homer Simpson (The Simpsons)
Peter Griffin (Family Guy)
Daddy Pig (Peppa Pig)
Jim Royle (The Royle Family)
Frank Gallagher (Shameless)
Ray Barone (Everybody Loves Raymond)

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2340677/Why-does-TV-portray-dad-dimwit.html?ito=feeds-newsxml

Thankfully, I’ve managed to bluff my way through the last 8 years of being a dad to my two daughters….and, I’d like to think that by and large, I’ve just about scraped by.

Both kids seem pretty well adjusted, and, they both seem pretty healthy and happy…..but, most importantly, they don’t outwardly appear to despise me….which, I’ll take as positive feedback on my dad ability.

So, earlier today, I asked Edie which of these TV dad’s I was most like……

And, here’s what she said:

“You look like Peter Griffin, you’re lazy like Homer, and, you’re fat like Daddy Pig…..but, most of all, you remind me of the daddy in Modern Family”

Brilliant!

I’m most like Phil Dunphy…..

I ‘think‘ I’m cool….but, really, I’m totally uncool and REALLY embarrassing!

Yes!!!!! My mission is complete……

Happy Father’s Day. x

P.S. – Who is your dad most like on TV?
Brian Davies (My dad) is most like Gene Hunt from Life on Mars.

How Can Two Kids From The Same Gene Pool Be So Different?

Chalk and Cheese

Black and White

Yin and Yang

Edie and Bridie

My kids have the same mother, the same father (hopefully), and, come from the same biological gene pool……

SO WHY ARE THEY SO DIFFERENT?

Over the last 4 weeks, our kids have changed…..I don’t know if it’s the heat…..but, something has ‘gone wrong‘ with them.

Our cute little 1 year old has turned into an angry, foot stamping, paddy throwing, whinging little shit……and…..the ‘happy go lucky’ 8 year old has transformed into a neurotic, anxiety riddled drama queen.

When, and how did this happen?

One minute, they’re the ‘apple of your eye‘, and the next minute, they’re giving you ‘a huge pain in the kidney‘.

My girls couldn’t be more different….

Our Edie is emotional, inquisitive, funny, kind and sensitive.
As a baby…..she fed well, she slept well, she was comfortable around other people, she didn’t cry much, and, she rarely gave us any real trouble.

On the other hand, our Bridie is clingy, cheeky, restless, noisy, and, a real oddball.
As a baby…..she feeds the dog more than she feeds herself, she sleeps for about 3 hours per day (but, never at night), she’s a proper show off, she moans and cries CONSTANTLY, and, she’s harder work than differential calculus.

Thankfully, they’re both super cute…..and, I love them more than kebab meat and chips.

However…..In my mind….I’d planned to be a supportive, super-cool, ultra-patient daddy, with an awesome haircut, and effortlessly raise two intelligent, well adjusted and emotionally stable children.

But, instead, I’m an overweight, impatient, totally un-cool dick….with shit hair and acne……because….they’ve broken me….the goddamn kids have broken me….and….i’ve morphed into a mere shadow of a man…..committed to shuffling through the rest of his shattered life…..in clothes from Tesco’s……and, painfully treading on discarded Peppa Pig characters…whilst being forced to read the book ‘My Dad’, over, and over, and over, and over….like some form of parent based torture.

……and, I wouldn’t have it any other way.